Bellamy Goes AWOL, Halfords Misdemeanours and (a bit) More

PhotobucketAfter Wales captain Craig Bellamy failed to report for international duty, speculation has been rife about possible reasons which might’ve caused the angry Welshman to be absent. Here are a few of Shilts’ most likely answers:

-He was playing golf and became embroiled in a week long cat and mouse chase trying to mow down another ginger Norwegian with his putter, set to the Benny Hill music

-He signed up to do 50 dates at the O2 Arena, delivering his own unique brand of poetry and burlesque

-He was up till all hours calling Alan Shearer a wanker and goading Geordies via text and was too sleepy the next morning

-He had his shoes stolen by a travelling gang of shoe thieves and then had to walk over a particularly gravel strewn path

Shilts’ most likely answer:

-He was trapped in an elevator with Vanessa Feltz and spent the following week removing the semen from his hair

Staan’s Snoopings

PhotobucketWhich Ex-Premier League star has been seen vomiting in the cycle helmet section of his local Halfords?

Staan Coollymore says: “Ray Parlour.”

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Zidane’s Tips And Fiddles

“When using fresh herbs in a recipe, add them at the end so the heat doesn’t destroy their flavour.”

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