Liverpool Cooking Contests, Manchester United’s Response and (a bit) More

PhotobucketLiverpool players Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and Fernando Torreshave announced that they will be hosting their own ‘Masterchef’ style cook off in Carragher’s city centre restaurant to determine who is the best chef among them, even going so far as to bring in an expert, that scruffy bloke off the telly Marco Pierre White to help adjudicate.

Not to be outdone, your man Shilts has heard that Machester United trio Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney and Patrice Evra will be hosting their own ‘Who Can Piss The Farthest’ competition against Gary Neville’s wall, even going so far as to bring in an expert, that scruffy bloke off the telly Marco Pierre White to help adjudicate.

“Wayne’s got the best height and trajectory, but Rio’s got the stamina and Patrice is unproven pissing at this level,” said one United insider.

“Rio, Wazza and Patrice are good mates and they agreed to do it as a bit of a laugh.

“They’ve all been practising hard at home. Rio keeps joking he’s going to hit Gary in the eye with his precision aim while Evra and Wayne want to do something a little fancy.”

“I’m not happy about this, I’ve only just Ronsealed that wall” commented Gary Neville, who had apparently not been consulted about the event’s venue.

New Perez Shilton Team Member!

Perez Shilton is delighted to welcome Little Johnny whose uncle’s friend’s mate apparently works for every club in the land as a postman and as such is told all of the clubs’ most private transfer dealings, giving Little Johnny and unparalled amount of info and foresight into the latest transfer goings on.

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Little Johnny’s Transfer Tip-Off Of The Day

“Steve McManaman to Reading, you can bet your house!”

Staan’s Snoopings

PhotobucketWhich Championship stalwart has been known to perform concerts dressed as the Welsh diva Shirley Bassey, belting out a selection of her greatest hits in several nightclubs?

Staan Coollymore says: “Gary Teale.”

PhotobucketZidane’s Tips and Fiddles

“For cellulite, scrub the skin with a bristle brush or loofah. Brush in slow sweeps, always toward the heart. There are gloves and mitts available to do this, but they’re not necessary. Try to do this at least five minutes every day.”

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