Carlos Tevez’s Band, Eboué’s Secret Vice, The Neville Brothers and (a bit) More

PhotobucketCarlos Tevez in a band! Imagine that! You don’t have to, cos it’s true. His band, Piola Vago, is a combination of Carlos, his brother Diego and badass Argentinean hip hop. And third degree neck burns.

Whilst some of you might’ve already been aware of Tevez’s band, your man Shilts has found some less known footballers’ bands may or may not be aware of:

The Neville BrothersPhotobucket

A New Orleans/Greater Manchester based American R&B and Soul group formed in 1997 by brothers Gary and Neville and managed by their dad Neville Neville, the two took the Bury R&B and Soul scene by storm with their hits ‘Defending My Heart’ ‘You Took Me From The Full Back Position and Pushed Me Forward’ and the theme from Shaft. They had a long standing feud with Da Ferdinand Brovaz, Rio and Anton, who released this song slating the pair, which culminated in Phil getting severely merked when Anton burned down his house and surrounding estate.

Rafa Benitez

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When not buying excess Spaniards for his Liverpool squad, Rafa Benitez spends much of his time appearing on national talent shows and wowing people with his ‘surprising’ voice.

“It sounds like Speedy Gonzalez being strangled with a phone cord,” remarked one audience member.

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Emmanuel Eboué

The hapless Ivorian has become a cult hit in the underground music scene for his spot-on impersonation of legendary Rat Pack member Sammy Davis Jr.

He belts out a selection of both the Rat Pack and Sammy’s greatest hits every night at selected nightclubs, with his version of ‘The Candy Man’ reported to be so powerful and moving that both Mr T and Bruce Willis wept upon hearing it. Many women throw their underwear at Eboué and plead with him to father their unborn children, which Emmanuel is only to happy to oblige.

PhotobucketLittle Johnny’s Transfer Tip-Off Of The Day

“John Barnes will exchange his royalties from the Anfield Rap in order to procure the services of Seol Ki-Hyeon, you can bet your mum!”

Staan’s Snoopings

PhotobucketWhich ex Fulham star has been found lurking in David Hasselhoff’s garden with a disposable camera and a pack of condoms?

Stan Coollymore says: “Moritz Volz.”

PhotobucketZidane’s Tips and Fiddles

“Here’s a quick way to brighten up your cutlery. Add a little ammonia to your usual paste polish and apply it to silver-plated and stainless-steel cutlery with a soft cloth. Rub with a clean cloth to finish.”

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