Transfer Deadline Day Rumours – All Almost Certainly Nearly True

As Little Johnny will no longer be needed for a time after the transfer window closes, this blog has been handed entirely over to him, for he is a true oracle when it comes to insider transfer dealings.

Little Johnny’s Transfer Deadline Day Madness!

PhotobucketEllo peeps, I’ll keep this short and sweet cos I’m a busy man with crayon drawings to finish and Haribo to eat.

Real Madrid will complete their new galacticos team by signing this week’s hot property Shola Ameobi from Newcastle, in a deal worth about £94 million, before he becomes crap again.

However they face strong competition from Chelsea who are also interested in Shola in order to bulk up their reserves.

Everton manager David Moyes will refuse a £7 billion offer from Man City for Phil Neville on grounds of ‘principle’.

City manager Mark Hughes will also spend most of today rubbing £100 notes over himself in a bathtub in an attempt to lure players to the City of Manchester Stadium.

Arsenal are finalising a deal to bring an entire French primary school into their youth academy as well as looking at never-heard-of-before centre back Garry Boudiér who is making waves in the French Under 9’s with an enormous head that is reported to be over 12 feet in length.

My source at Liverpool says that Rafa Benitez is casting his eye over an array of permanently injured mediocre Spanish players for his collection. José Reyes looks a possibility but only if he gets hit by at least four lorries before 5 o’clock and shatters his spine.

Portsmouth new signings Tal Ben-Haim and Hassan Yebda will be sold later today along with the rest of the Pompey squad.

Notts County are mounting an audacious bid for former West Brom star Cyril Regis.

Manchester United will be forced to re-enter the market when new signingMichael Owen injures himself later today, ‘accidentally’ breaking every limb in his body whilst falling asleep under a steam roller.

Tottenham Hotspur will sell David Bentley to Tottenham ReservesSunderland for around £18 million and will buy him back for £19 million half an hour later.

Inter Milan will take advantage of Barcelona’s new found transfer generosity/incompetency by swapping Sulley Muntari for Leo Messi and £70 million.

And finally, Hull will make offers for 672 different players but nobody will join the Tigers.


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