FIFA Tapped Me Up, Man Raised By Bears and (a bit) More

PhotobucketAs Shilts was sat on a park bench minding his own business, leafing through the morning papers and circling points of interest with his trusty red marker pen, who should come bumbling up to him? None other than Sepp Blatter, President of FIFA, himself.

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“Alright Shilts, might I enquire as to why you are circling strangers in the lonely hearts pages of the Metro?” Blatter had the temerity to ask.

“Piss off Sepp!” I yelled and threw the marker pen at him, knocking him unconscious for three or so minutes.

When he finally awoke he showed a lack of basic human decency when he once again disturbed me from my reading of the papers. “What was that for?” he had the gaul to ask.

“What is wrong with you?!” I yelled, quite rightly, landing a trademark Shilts haymaker to Blatter’s skull.

“Please Shilts, I only came to offer you a job as an IT consultant at FIFA, for I know you have a talent for spreadsheets” he pleaded.

At this point I lost my rag completely. “HOW DARE YOU?! You come here and have the nerve to offer me a job unsolicited. I shall report your organisation to FIFA!” I screamed and then kicked Sepp into a nearby pond.

Shilts has filed his complaint against FIFA to FIFA but alas has to wait in line behind the other 5982 clubs all filing complaints to FIFA against each other

Staan’s Snoopings

PhotobucketWhich Premier League boss was reportedly raised by a pack of bears and has to prevent his bear-y urges to maul humans with therapy?

Staan Coollymore says: “Roy Hodgson.”

PhotobucketZidane’s Tips and Fiddles

“A good way to get revenge on someone after being the victim of a practical joke is to set fire to their car.”

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