REVEALED: Rio Ferdinand’s Affair With A Postbox

PhotobucketAfter a landmark court case declared that the injuctution preventing details of John Terry’s affair with Wayne Bridge’s ex partner was overturned, Perez Shilton’s resident PI Staan Coollymore is now able to reveal exclusive details of an even more secretive affair involving yet another England centre back.

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The Manchester United defender and serial ‘merker’, Rio Ferdinand engaged in a 3 year long affair with the Talbot Road postbox, just round the corner from Old Trafford, Perez Shilton can confirm.

“It started as a bit of fun, just summat to do in the evenin’s ova than Lego,” Rio revealed to Staan. “But then fings jus’ moved on so fast and I was in over my head. I even got trapped inside her for three days after one night’s love makin’ and she helped me find myself. Cos there was this map on her door.”

However relations between the two quickly soured. The postbox, who had previously been linked with ex-England boss and serial womaniser, Sven Goran Eriksson, started giving Rio the cold shoulder.

“She never returned my love letters an I got jealous of tha postmen gettin inside her all the time. I started getting into fights with them, and this, combined wiv all the post I ruined during our nights of intercourse lead to a court order preventing me going within one mile of a postbox or postmen.

“This means I have to have all me post delivered to Darren Fletcher’s house, who keeps burnin’ it all in case its a letter about his drivin’ offences. Nightmare.”

Follow Shilts on Twitter for more Shiltings of no worth.

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