Capello’s Suprising Pre-World Cup Call Ups

England supremo Fabio Capello turned heads today with several bewildering choices for his preliminary 30-man World Cup squad. Amongst the expected England stalwarts such as Steven Gerrard and Wayne Rooney et al, the Italian has selected Luke Chadwick, Carlton Palmer, Tony Yeboah – a Ghanian,  and Stanley Matthews, who has been dead for 10 years.

“I am delighted that Fabio has shown faith in me after all this time away from the game and I hope to repay him in spades,” says Matthews, speaking through spirit medium and serial bullshitter Derek Acorah. “Hopefully we can bring the World Cup home, and while we’re at it you should buy Derek’s amazing new DVD ‘Most Taunted‘, where he tells bereaved strangers that their lost loved ones are being picked on and bullied by Mussolini in the afterlife.”

Most mystifyingly, Fabio has handed a call up to Jamie Carragher, who, as we all know, has had an utterly shite season. “Lols! I picked him as a hilarious joke!” explained Capello, whilst rolling around laughing in front of a clearly unamused English press room. “I am getting serious man-points for this back in Italy.”

Don’t even get Shilts started on the ludicrous selection of Peter Crouch. “But his scoring record for England speaks for itself!” cry Crouchy’s supporters, whilst failing to mention that a large proportion of these goals have come against such world-class opposition as Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, Belarus, Estonia and Macedonia.

You’re all wrong.

In Actual News:

TONY ADAMS HOPES TO CONTINUE HIS UNSUCCESSFUL MANAGERIAL CAREER AT AZERBAIJANI SIDE QABALA FC

WORLD’S NICEST MAN GIANFRANCO ZOLA CALLS WEST HAM CO-OWNER DAVID SULLIVAN A ‘MASSIVE C***’ (PARAPHRASE)

DEAN WINDASS INVENTS EVERTON GOALSCORER ‘DIDIER BILABILABILAKILLAKOV’ ON SKY SPORTS’ SOCCER SUNDAY

Follow Shilts on Twitter for more Shiltings of no worth.

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