Carles Puyol Forces Shirt Over Cesc Fabregas In An Attempt To Capture Him, Literally, For Barcelona

Captain Caveman alike Carles Puyol has created a small controversy after forcing a Barcelona shirt over Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas’ head, in what has been seen as yet another cynical media ploy to prise the Gunner’s captain away from North London.

As of yet, the Catalan club have had little joy securing the midfielder’s signature, with Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger unwilling to discuss a deal, however Puyol is fairly confident that his shirt assault stunt will do the trick.

“I do it all the time,” he explained exclusively* to Shilts. “I see something I want, a throw a Barcelona shirt and pafoomph, I have it! It’s like a pokéball.

“Take my wife for instance. She wasn’t interested at all. So I waited in a car park I knew she had parked in, then, when she returned to her car, I wrestled her to the floor and threw my Barca shirt over her, tied her up and put her in the boot of my car. Then, after three years locked in my closet, she agreed to marry me on the condition that I let her out every few months or so. It’s marital bliss!”

Other things Puyol has accrued using his shirt trick include a 50″ HD TV, a large stash of neanderthal fetish porn, a level 56 Pikachu and an unsafe and illegal amount of plutonium, which he keeps in his shed. “All of it free! It’s a real money saver, tell your readers to try it themselves!”

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Zidane advises that if you are an international footballer of the stature of Puyol, or in job which earns you a similar rate of pay, and have an expert legal team, feel free to try this method yourself.

*(and fictionally)

Follow Shilts on Twitter for more Shiltings of no worth.

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