Fabio Explains His ‘Capello Index’ U-Turn

After a spectacular piece of PR incompetence, the ‘Capello Index’, a website which rates players out of 100 based on certain criteria, has been denounced by Fabio Capello himself, who says he gave “no permission” for it to be published.

It has proved particularly controversial because the only England international ranked within the top 100 is Steven Gerrard, who only comes in at a meagre 65th place. One ‘senior international’ has even allegedly called for Capello to be sacked as a result.

The website, which has already been roundly criticized, leading to it being postponed until after the World Cup, looks to be on it’s last legs as Capello moves to have it closed down. But why has the Italian, who had clearly previously given permission for the site to be created, made such a u-turn? Shilts caught up* with Don Fabio to find out:

“It was all a-big a-mix up,” he explained. “My people a-got a-the wrong website a-name completely. I think it’s a-because of a-my accent. Those-a clowns. I am a-working on a-several other websites which I a-wanted published instead which all a-sound sort of a-like ‘Capello Index’. I don’t even-a know what a Capello Index is. It a-sounds crap.”

What are these similar sounding websites which should have been put onto the web instead? Capello talks us through:

Capello Bin-Checks:

“This would have a-been a-my blog where I a-post my findings from a-looking through a-people’s bins under a-the cover of darkness. A favourite a-pastime of mine. I a-find some great stuff. Bicycle’s, ironing a-boards, a-documents with a-people’s a-personal details on them, dead a-pets, the Shroud of a-Turin, Michelangelo’s a-David and Stephen Warnock.”

All Capellos On Decks:

“My sailing website where I a-chronicle my a-nautical expeditions. There was a-this one time where me and a-Darren Bent went sailing all a-the way to a-Yemen and when he wasn’t a-looking, I pushed him over board! Hilarious a-times. I thought he was dead! It turns out that he a-swam to safety, which was annoying because it a-meant that everyone still put a-pressure on me to pick him in a-my World Cup squad.”


Capello Havin’ Sex:

“A adult a-website where I post a the videos of me and a-my wife, and sometimes supermodels, and sometimes the David Beckhams, making the a-sweet, sweet rumpy a-pumpy. Most of it is a-very tasteful but if you are a premium a-member, you can a-get some exclusive a-content involving tasteless, raunchy and a-dirty objects like the kebab skewers, electrical appliances such as a-the kettle and Stuart Pearce.”

There you have it. Three groundbreaking websites to look forward to coming soon to an internet near you.

*(Imagined a conversation with)

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