Ashley Cole Causes Full Scale Ruckus At Sol Campbell’s Wedding

It is a rare day goes when there are no news stories featuring Ashley Cole in a negative light. This is not one of them.

Cole was routinely booed whilst turning up to attend the wedding of former Arsenal teammate Sol Campbell by members of the public in Corbridge, where the wedding was held, who were trying to catch a glimpse of the wedding’s famous attendees, which included Rio Ferdinand, David Seaman and Ainsley Harriott.

One wedding guest insider exclusively revealed to Shilts some of the goings on you wont read about anywhere else*: “Ainsley was leading the boos, pelting him with Fairy Liquid and some of his own range of soups whilst doing a piece to camera about how the combination of the two is clinically effective in severely scalding a man’s face. He’s looking for a move into the lucrative torture products market I hear.”

If Ashley thought the worst of his afternoon was over, he was rather mistaken. “The crowd started to chant ‘Judas!’ and this completely disrupted the wedding. Sol thought the chant was being directed at him and it took over 20 minutes for the priest to explain that the chant was rather at Ashley’s expense.”

“The boos died down for a bit and Ashley might have thought that it was over, then he made the unwise decision of pocketing all the money from the church collection plate and at this point the guests turned violent.

“They formed a mob and had him encapsulated alive in a stained glass window, depicting Judas’ betrayal of Jesus and even included the images of Jose Mourinho as the devil and a hurt looking Arsene Wenger to make it more topical.”

Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti will be hoping that the Corbridge parish council give him permission to have the stained glass window removed in order to have Cole fit and ready for the start of the new season. However, he has been informed that this it will be a lengthy process that could take weeks, even months. Questions will also be raised about Cole’s match fitness and health after being encased in glass for such a period of time and this has certainly dealt the Blues’ season an early blow.

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(Stained glass window pictured above, notice Cole looking visibly annoyed and distraught to be enveloped in glass.)

*(N.B. Mainly because the wedding guest was probably lying. She did seem a bit mental.)

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