Eduardo Set To Join Shakhtar + Possible Drogba to Manchester City, Remy to West Ham and Nobody/Balotelli to Manchester United Deals

Little Johnny’s Twenty Four Seven Transfer Window Tip Offs

PhotobucketPerez Shilton’s resident toddler transfer expert, Little Johnny, who once shared a taxi with a man who had spoke to Rufus Brevett, gives us his take on the day’s transfer news.

Tuesday 20th July:

(PROBABLY) CONFIRMED DEALS:

Eduardo to Shakhtar Donetsk from Arsenal for an estimated fee of £6 million:

Eduardo’s career at Arsenal, despite promising early signs, took a huge nosedive after Martin Taylor pole-axed the Brazilian born Croatian’s leg in half in 2008.

Against significant odds, instead of retiring and using his lack of mobility to become a human doorstop, Eduardo managed to resume playing for the Gunners, albeit as a shadow of his former self. Much like a trusty gate to your home that you accidentally boot down when returning one evening (after one too many Haribos) that you manage to fix, but instead of being all trusty like it used to, it now makes an annoying “eeeeh uhhhh” sound every time it you open it and occasionally it swings out a random and hits passersby in the shins, thus meaning you become resigned to the fact that you’re going to have to get rid of it and sell it to some rich Ukrainian man round the corner.

Saddened by Eduardo’s deterioration as a player, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger was believed to have wanted to keep hold of him and give him a non-playing role at the club, such as a human paperweight, a human desk tidy or as a life-size human statue of former Arsenal player Eduardo for ornamentation, but felt the reported £6 million offer too good to turn down.

RUMOURED DEALS

Didier Drogba to Man City from Chelsea for a fee of £20 million:

Not content with having more strikers than Stoke City and Wolves combined and timesed by 5, City boss Roberto Mancini wants to add last season’s Premier League Golden Boot winner and owner of a bionic arm, Didier Drogba, to his squad with the Italian conceding to Johnny that: “the only striker who isn’t annoyed at the ridiculous levels of competition for a first team place and still wants to play for us regularly is Roque Santa Cruz, and he’s crap. The only solution I can think of is to buy more strikers who won’t be annoyed by opposition for their place until mid season.”

Johnny’s Verdict:Could happen in theory, although Chelsea aren’t in a position where they need to sell and they don’t want to have to rely on Salomon Kalou next season. This move is highly doubtful.”

Loic Remy to West Ham from Nice for a fee of £15 million:

Despite publicly revealing that the Hammer’s are in dire financial straits in January, new owners Davids Gold and Sullivan, are reportedly prepared to pay an extra £3 million more than Nice’s £12 million asking price to secure the striker’s services ahead of competition from Liverpool.

Johnny’s Verdict:Financial logic and common sense would dictate that this was not a goer. Then again, these are the former owners of Birmingham City who bought James McFadden for £5 million, so this move could easily happen.”

Nobody to Manchester United:

United boss Sir Alex Ferguson is reported to have claimed that he is happy with his current squad and does not need to spend big in order to win back the Premier League title from Chelsea, stating; “we are comfortable with the squad we’ve got.”Others say that the reason for the Scot’s thrift is that Red Devil owners, the Glazers, have given him a budget of 25 vouchers for Tesco and a bill for hotel expenses for the Glazers’ holiday.

Johnny’s Verdict: “With their current financial situation, and with the Glazers renowned for being stingier than the Artful Dodger in a pound shop, I wouldn’t be suprised if this were true. However it is completely at odds with the next story…”

Mario Balotelli to Manchester United from Inter Milan for a fee of £25.5 million:

Apparently, Sir Al is not that comfortable with the squad he has got and wants the addition of temperamental 19 year old striker Balotelli, a player so popular that a small group of Inter fans tried to physically attack him when he threw his shirt to the floor after being substituted in the Champions League semi final against Barcelona.

Johnny’s Verdict: “He couldn’t be any more unpopular than Dimitar Berbatov around Old Trafford, so that won’t be an issue. However, in his short stay at Inter, he has had more disciplinary problems than Gazza in his playing days after witnessing a particularly frustrating cliffhanger episode of Spooks and venting his annoyance by setting fire to the kitman. I can’t see him and Sir Al meeting eye to eye.”

HUGE TIP-OFF OF THE DAY:

Johnny says: “Out of form 33 year old Arsenal goalkeeper Manuel Almunia to be sent out to Brentford on loan for ‘experience’ and then have his return train ticket cancelled by the club.”

That’s your lot for transfers. Feel free to send in your own gossip via the comments section below or through Perez Shilton’s Twitter.

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