Titus Bramble Set For Sunderland + Possible Raul, Ramires and Fabregas Deals

Little Johnny’s Twenty Four Seven Transfer Window Tip Offs

PhotobucketPerez Shilton’s resident toddler transfer expert, Little Johnny, whose knowledge extends to having once looked at a picture of Lomana Lualua, gives us his take on the day’s transfer news:

Wednesday 21st July:


Titus Bramble to Sunderland from Wigan for an estimated fee of £1 million:

During his stay at Newcastle, Bramble’s name became almost synonymous and interchangeable with the word ‘awful’ as in the phrase “that player is really Titus Bramble”, commonly used by fans, scouts, pundits and even once by Nelson Mandela in a speech decrying apartheid as “Titus Bramble”.

Somewhat miraculously, he has been able to salvage a great deal of this reputation at Wigan, even being awarded the Lactic’s ‘Player of the Year’ and ‘Player’s Player of the Year’ in the 2008/09 season. Bramble put his renewed success down to the faith then Wigan, and now Sunderland, boss Steve Bruce had in him and this relationship is seen as one of the key reasons for this move, which is still subject to a medical.

Sunderland will be thanking Bramble’s ever changing fortunes as they saw the £5 million fee reported just yesterday plummet spectacularly to £1 million. Little Johnny caught up with Wigan boss Roberto Martinez who revealed that this dramatic fall in stock has come about due to Martinez’s need for a hasty sale, after witnessing “one of the worst training sessions I have ever seen. He managed to injure half of the first team, score a dozen own goals, permanently paralyze three ball boys from the waist down and breach several animal rights acts, which have resulted in a lawsuit from the RSPCA, all in under an hour. The Sunderland scout was on his way to watch him train so I had to hastily agree to everything before he got to the training ground. In the end, I think we’ve come out the better off.”


Raul to Newcastle or Tottenham from Real Madrid on a free transfer:

Michael Owen was the last past-his-best striker that the Toon acquired from Real Madrid, and we all know how that worked out. Really badly (just in case you didn’t know). Spurs, on the other hand, are happy to repeatedly spend every transfer window being linked with out of contract legends of the game, although the last time they actually bought one was Edgar Davids five years ago.

Johnny’s Verdict:With a decent strike force already, Spurs definitely don’t need him as much as Newcastle. Despite being older than Peter Lovenkrands, Shola Ameobi and Andy Carroll put together, Raul is still three times as good and would be welcomed with open arms on Tyneside.”

Ramires to Manchester City from Benfica for a fee of £30 million:

After City’s alleged move for James Milner from Aston Villa supposedly stalled, the Eastlands club promptly went “oh well” and have reportedly turned their interests to Ramires after manager Roberto Mancini looked at his stats on Football Manager, releasing a statement saying: “he will become a world class midfielder by 2012, mark my words.”

Johnny’s Verdict:Man City have the funds as well as seemingly no concerns about how many players they already have in one position. Could easily happen.”

Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona from Arsenal in return for Xavi’s silence:

Rumour has it that Xavi witnessed Gunner’s boss Arsene Wenger committing an act of unspeakable illegality such as murder, fly tipping or undertaking on the motorway. After he released yet another statement about how much he wants Fabregas to join the Catalans to the press today, much has been made of Xavi’s quotes that he was “on loan” at Arsenal and that “there is nothing they can do to stop him joining.”

Little Johnny and his team of experts have spent long hours deciphering these quotes and have come to the conclusion that they represent a thinly veiled threat to reveal Arsene’s secret unless Cesc joins, especially the quote: “I will reveal Arsene’s secret unless Cesc joins.”

Johnny’s Verdict: “In order to buy Xavi’s silence, Arsene will relent allow Fabregas to join his former club, as well as signing over custody of his next grandchild. It’s a lot like the show Desperate Housewives, only far less sexy.”


Johnny says: “Mick McCarthy to sell off organs for medical experiments in order to raise funds to buy a lower league centre back.”

That’s it for today’s transfers. Feel free to send in your own gossip via the comments section below or through Perez Shilton’s Twitter.


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