Yet Another 2010/2011 Premier League Preview: Blackburn Rovers

Blackburn Rovers

For the last 9 years, Blackburn Rovers have been to the Premier League what Midge Ure is to the Live Aid song, always there, but only in the background, letting Bob Geldof take all the credit for saving the entire continent of Africa and steering them clear of relegation, even after Paul Ince has a go at managing them and buggers up royally.

A team for the man who likes his food covered in gravy and his gravy covered in more gravy and that gravy covered in blood, sweat and more gravy. And coal.

The Manager – Sam Allardyce

Pioneered the unattractive but effective long ball game with bordering-on-grievous-bodily-harm-physical-assault tackles tactics in the modern era. Also responsible for introducing El Hadji Diouf into the English game. At first glance Big Sam, or Big Fat Sam, or That Big Fat Twat Big Fat Sam as he is sometimes known, appears to be a manager who deserves almost no praise as well as resembling a gormless walrus. However, if consistent Premier League survival and gradual improvement on a limited budget is what you’re after then there’s few better than Allardyce

Sam Allardyce


The underrated David Dunn and a solid back line which matches Allardyce’s ethos perfectly featuring highly exciting talent, with a highly unexciting name, teenager Phil Jones. Not forgetting the second best Morten in the world (after fellow Norwegian Morten Harket of a-ha fame) Morten Gamst Pedersen.


Relegated Burnley scored more than Rovers last year, a Kevin Nolan-esque striker to replicate Allardyce’s Bolton glory days is needed. Shilts suggest Kevin Nolan.

Did you know?

Scientists have found that a single millilitre or El Hadji Diouf’s saliva can provide a large tree with enough nutrients to last a decade if it was taken out of its roots and placed somewhere such as a car park. This could potentially save the rainforest, or, failing that, annoy Tesco shoppers.

Best Chant

Blackburn Aces


More of the same with another safe mid table finish, unless big Sam goes mental and experiments with a less negative approach to his football. In which case they will plummet down the table, as was seen in his brief tenure at Newcastle.


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