Yet Another 2010/2011 Premier League Preview: Everton


Jack Rodwell

Finished 5th for two consecutive seasons then dropped out of European competition in 8th last season, the Toffees will need to deliver themselves back into European contention with the promise that the ability of the players in their squad show if they want to stand a chance of keeping said players for future seasons to come.

The Manager – David Moyes

A man devoid of eyebrows, with those claiming to have ever seen any on the Scot derided in the same way as anyone who claims to have been pleasured by the Loch Ness monster’s enormous appendage, Moyes has is renowned for finding and producing young talent as frequently as he shits, with Moyes alumni including Wayne Rooney, Jack Rodwell and Jose Baxter. He has made Everton one of the best clubs outside of the top four in the modern times.


Few teams would turn down the opportunity to boast the midfield talents of Tim Cahill, Mikel Arteta and Steven Pienaar, with the exception of Mad Johnny Cantpickplayerssen, the manager of Shitemidfielddecisions Rovers, a team I just made up.


The majority of the squad are more likely to get injured than Michael Owen standing in the middle of a floor covered in exploding mines and rabbit traps.

Did you know?

Much in the same way that nobody believes the current Paul McCartney is the real Paul McCartney, Phil Neville has been dead for six years, with the third Neville brother, Nigel Neville deputising to save everyone paperwork.

Best Chant

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At the time of writing, they have just been beaten by Blackburn. A poor start indeed if they were to fulfil Sir Alex Ferguson’s prophecy of gatecrashing the top four. Shilts reckons that they’ll have another injury hit season and finish 7th or 8th.


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