Robbie Savage Suffers Third Degree Bonfire Night Burns

“Where’ve you been Shilts, you bastard?!” asked nobody angrily.

I can’t quite remember, but the point is, I’ve returned again for another of my sporadic blog spells. Today I bring you some tragic news, much like always, in the form of the accidental burning of Welsh midfielder Robbie Savage.

Following in the footsteps of the Kent bonfire society which chose to use a 49ft Wayne Rooney mock up effigy as their Guy Fawkes, a society in Nottingham aimed to use popular hate figure Savage in their own display. Unfortunately they were let down by the incompetence of the man they elected to create the papier mache of Savage, Neil Buchanan.

The ex-Art Attack presenter neglected to actually start work until two hours before the deadline, then panicked and kidnapped the real Savage as a stop-gap. So impressed were the society by what they perceived to be Buchanan’s handiwork that he chose to pretend that it was, in fact, a work of his own creation, intending to amend their mistake later after he had restored some of his confidence in his artwork with the temporary praise people were giving him.

Ineptly, Buchanan fell asleep, awaking to find the townsfolk burning Robbie Savage. Horrified he pleaded with them to stop and it was over forty five minutes before someone listened to his cries, for they were in a Robbie Savage burning frenzy.

Disastrously, the local area had been hit by a water shortage and this meant that the townsfolk had to band together to try and blow the flames engulfing Savage out.

“It were lovely,” remarked local resident Ralph Johnson, 53. “The community hasn’t come together like that in years, we should burn people more often!”

Things weren’t so rosy for Savage though, his skin having long since surpassed being rosy and now having a charcoal-like tinge, as he suffered multiple third-degree burns to his face, body and hair, a separate being. The smoke flumes also severely damaged his vocal chords giving his voice, as described by one doctor, “a shrill irritating quality, much like before.”

Happy failed 400 year old terrorist plot on Parliament day everyone.


2 Responses to Robbie Savage Suffers Third Degree Bonfire Night Burns

  1. who framed ruel fox? says:

    Nice to have you back, Shilts.

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