Theo Walcott missing, presumed cold

The day was Sunday the 19th of December, the weather was snowy and Theo Walcott’s mother needed some casserole mix from the local Spar. Rather than trying to brave the icy conditions herself, she sent out her son, believing his lighting running speed could melt the snow in its wake, Billy Whizz-style.

Unfortunately, seven hours later and little Theo still hasn’t returned with eyewitness accounts saying that he ran head first into a particularly large mound of snow, hoping to burst through to the other side, and did not reappear.

Walcott’s mum began to worry around 2 o’clock and rang the local authorities, asking for the help in retrieving little Theo.

“No point,” she was told bluntly by one officer. “He’s probably become encapsulated in a block of ice and floated off to the Shetland Isles. He’ll wake up in the future and there’ll be loads of robots and lasers and Patrick Kielty will probably be dead by then. Don’t you want your son to live in that kind of future?” After contemplating, Mrs Walcott had to agree that this sounded like a far better world for her son and called off the search.

Last known image of Walcott

There is speculation that Arsene Wenger, alarmed by Walcott’s lack of improvement comparative to his ageing and unwilling to surrender the excuse “he’s still young and learning” after a bad performance from the striker has orchestrated the whole scheme himself, wanting to keep Walcott permanently young as part of Arsenal’s new youth policy. Rumours say he had Walcott cryogenically frozen then impersonated an officer of the law over the telephone to his mother. He is also rumoured to be lining up similar treatment for Johann Djourou, Abou Diaby and Jens Lehmann.


One Response to Theo Walcott missing, presumed cold

  1. riccardo says:

    Hi mate…nice blog….I’m richard from rome…why don’t we make a link exchange? visit mine ( and let me know if you are interested in it. Have a good day and an happy christmas

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