Football historically introduced in Wales for the first time

Wales' Collins struggles to get to grips with the basic concepts of the sport early on and accidentally gives a penalty away whilst trying to mate with the ball.

In 1965, an Italian man working in England at the time ventured into Wales and introduced them to the concept of fire, by burning down everything he saw in disgust. The intrepid Celts took to this new concept instantly and began using it on a frequent basis, turning their previously permanently cold, dark and uninhabitable landscape into a merely uninhabitable landscape which was occasionally cold and dark.

Skip forward to the present day and the charitable actions of one Fabio Capello have meant that an event of similar magnitude and circumstance has occurred; the Welsh have now been given football.

Mr Capello, with the FA’s permission and blessing – for this expedition fell under their one of their outreach schemes to bring football to a more deprived audience – kindly took the English national team across the Severn Bridge in order to stage an international match with the Welsh. Running out 2-0 winners on the day against a team of Welshmen who spontaneously decided to ‘give the sport a go’, Capello has described the trip as a success:

“We weren’t-ah sure if the barbarians would like the game of ah-football, but a few of them seemed keen. At first they didn’t ah-know how to play because I-ah tactically decided against ah-telling them all of the ah-rules. This allowed us to-ah go 1-0 up instantly when ah clumsy bald ah-man the locals know as ‘Collins’ ah-tried to play-ah the rugby in his penalty box, getting us ah-penalty.

“Then we scored again because I ah-told their manager, who the locals know as ‘Garyspeed’, that conceding goals was ah-positive approach to take. Annoyingly, they caught on to the actual ah-rules pretty fast and in the ah-last thirty minutes they actually ah-got the hang. Then many of them got bored and started playing in the ah-dirt and eating the coal instead. I noticed this and ah-tactically went defensive, putting Milner on for the Rooney to end ah-the game.

“Overall, I think it was ah-success. We were worried that ah-the savage natives would harm our players, but I can report that only ah-Phil Jagielka is missing, and ah-Lamps claims he saw a pack of young urchins feasting on his ah-succulent body.”

Perez Shilton interviewed one of the Welsh locals from a safe distance who saw the game and identified himself, after much thought and contemplation on the question of his name, as ‘Robb-er…robin…er….rob…robbiessssssavagethat’sitrobbiesavage…ithink’ and spoke only through shouting. Of the sport he had just witnessed, he had this to say:

“IT WAS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN YEAH AND IN MY LIFETIME I’VE SEEN A CAR, FIVE BOOBS AND DADDY CAMP WITH CUBA GOODING JUNIOR, SO IT WAS PRETTY GOOD I RECKON YEAH.”

Shortly after this, the local started snarling menacingly and dribbling on himself. Not au fait with their customs, Shilts interpreted this as a territorial warning and ran away. Either he was correct or the vagrant was reading a sign with Welsh on it.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: