Pelé announces updated ‘FIFA 100’

Pelé having a giant silver ball impact into his skull, rendering him comatose

Greatest player ever and all round self congratulatorist Pelé has updated his ‘Pelé 100’ list and we here at Perez Shilton have got our greedy mitts on it first!* The results make for surprising reading…

Aside from the obvious inclusion of himself at the top of the list, the Brazilian’s decision to include former Swansea, Bristol City and current Neath striker Lee Trundle a staggering 76 times has baffled many critics.

As has the inclusion of Rahmane Barry, a striker who, over his seven year career has amassed a total of 52 appearances and 6 goals and is currently plying his trade with Beauvais in the French third division. An official statement from Pelé himself has justified Barry’s entry, stating: “he was wicked sick on Pro Evolution Soccer 4 in the Master League mode, can’t deny raw talent like that.”

Here is the updated ‘Pelé 100’ list, for your viewing pleasure:

  1. Pelé (Brazil)
  2. Lee Trundle (England)
  3. Lee Trundle (England)
  4. Lee Trundle (England)
  5. Lee Trundle (England)
  6. David Beckham (England)
  7. Lee Trundle (England)
  8. Lee Trundle (England)
  9. Thierry Henry (France)
  10. Lee Trundle (England)
  11. Lee Trundle (England)
  12. Lee Trundle (England)
  13. Lee Trundle (England)
  14. Alessandro Del Piero (Italy)
  15. Lee Trundle (England)
  16. Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)
  17. Lee Trundle (England)
  18. Lee Trundle (England)
  19. Lee Trundle (England)
  20. Lee Trundle (England)
  21. Dennis Bergkamp (Netherlands)
  22. Lee Trundle (England)
  23. Lee Trundle (England)
  24. Zico (Brazil)
  25. Lee Trundle (England)
  26. Mario Kempes (Argentina)
  27. Lee Trundle (England)
  28. Lee Trundle (England)
  29. Lee Trundle (England)
  30. Lee Trundle (England)
  31. Lee Trundle (England)
  32. Lee Trundle (England)
  33. Hristo Stoichkov (Bulgaria)
  34. Lee Trundle (England)
  35. Lee Trundle (England)
  36. Lee Trundle (England)
  37. Franz Beckenbauer (Germany)
  38. Lee Trundle (England)
  39. Lee Trundle (England)
  40. Lee Trundle (England)
  41. Peter Shilton (England – Fuck yes.)
  42. Lee Trundle (England)
  43. Roberto Baggio (Italy)
  44. Lee Trundle (England)
  45. Lee Trundle (England)
  46. Lee Trundle (England)
  47. Lee Trundle (England)
  48. Lee Trundle (England)
  49. Lee Trundle (England)
  50. Lee Trundle (England)
  51. Lee Trundle (England)
  52. Lee Trundle (England)
  53. Lee Trundle (England)
  54. Johann Cruyff (Netherlands)
  55. Lee Trundle (England)
  56. Lee Trundle (England)
  57. Lee Trundle (England)
  58. Lee Trundle (England)
  59. Gerd Muller (Germany)
  60. Lee Trundle (England)
  61. Lee Trundle (England)
  62. George Best (Northern Ireland)
  63. Lee Trundle (England)
  64. Lee Trundle (England)
  65. Lee Trundle (England)
  66. Ferenc Puskas (Hungary)
  67. Lee Trundle (England)
  68. Lee Trundle (England)
  69. Alfredo di Stefano (Argentina)
  70. Lee Trundle (England)
  71. Lee Trundle (England)
  72. Lee Trundle (England)
  73. Lee Trundle (England)
  74. Lee Trundle (England)
  75. El Hadji Diouf (Senegal)
  76. Lee Trundle (England)
  77. Lee Trundle (England)
  78. Lee Trundle (England)
  79. Steve Sidwell (England)
  80. Lee Trundle (England)
  81. Lee Trundle (England)
  82. Rahmane Barry (Senegal)
  83. Lee Trundle (England)
  84. Castolo (Spain)
  85. Lee Trundle (England)
  86. Lee Trundle (England)
  87. Lee Trundle (England)
  88. Lee Trundle (England)
  89. Pascal Cygan (France)
  90. Lee Trundle (England)
  91. Lee Trundle (England)
  92. Robbie Savage (Wales)
  93. Lee Trundle (England)
  94. Lee Trundle (England)
  95. Lee Trundle (England)
  96. Lee Trundle (England)
  97. Francis Jeffers (England)
  98. Lee Trundle (England)
  99. Lee Trundle (England)
  100. Lee Trundle (Fuck you Diego, where are you? I don’t see your name on the list of greatest ever players? Where am I? I’m at the top, that’s where, so suck on it Maradona you little bitch) (England)

*After Staan Coollymore fished it out of the bin underneath Pelé’s desk where it had been crumpled up, getting his arm covered in banana skin peel and uneaten Pot Noodle in the process.

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